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Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I really tried. Instead of doing all this weird shit, traveling, being obsessed with working from my laptop, trying to learn pickup… What would happen if I just did things the old fashioned way?

I mean, it’s kind of too late now for me to go back to college, but there are a bunch of normal jobs I can get in the city and probably start at around $70-$80k a year. After taxes that’s… $5k/month? Somewhere around there? Not a bad start.

Get myself a few gym memberships, a couple sphynx cats, a bit of spending money and some breathing room to pursue… something else.

Work my way up to management. Then I’m making $120k/year. And then… then…

I don’t even know.

I got into a fight with a friend of mine a few hours ago. He yelled at me and gave me the whole “you have potential but are wasting your life” speech. The thing is that I don’t trust anything he says because the guy hasn’t worked in years and just sits at home trading stocks. No social life. No friends other than me.

But he’s a smart guy. Probably one of the smartest I’ve ever met. We butt heads all the time and 9/10 times I eventually realize that he was right. So I wonder if he’s right here too.

I dunno. I’m getting philosophical now because I just read a summary of this crazy ass book called Reality Transurfing. This is like some weird Russian DMT trip version of The Secret. I don’t even know what the fuck the guy was talking about, but it was such an interesting take on reality, happiness and how to get what you actually want.

Basically the guy says that our thoughts determine our lives. We think certain thoughts and are drawn to a corresponding reality. For example if we feel guilty all the time, the universe will find ways to “punish” us so that it matches our reality. If we never feel like we’re good enough, then the universe will prove to us that we in fact are not.

The gist of the book I assume is to encourage people to flip things around and make a better life for themselves. Instead of always thinking you’re a fucked up piece of shit loser (one of my favorite hobbies), imagine yourself exactly the way you want to be: rich, good looking, popular… whatever. Use that as a vision for yourself and refer to it often. It’s no more “real” than the loser version of yourself that you imagine yourself to be. So why not pick something empowering?

I just finished an awesome yoga class at this new studio down the street from my apartment. On the way home, I couldn’t help but think what my life would look like if I doubled down on literally anything instead of trying to flutter from interest to interest.

Instead of trying to structure my life to be as impermanent as possible, what would it be like if I tried to put down roots somewhere and actually be a normal person? You know, like I tried to do a few years ago in LA…

I mean, someone is giving away two sphynx kittens on Craigslist FOR FREE for God’s sakes. Two of the cutest little $1500 wrinkly motherfuckers I’ve ever seen being given away. And I can’t take them because I have one foot perpetually out the door.

What if I just bit the bullet and bought some nice clothes so I could become a respectable member of society? What if I got those cute little cats to keep me company? What if I consistently went out every night to work on my game like I have been meaning to do forever? What if I buckled down on working on literally ANYTHING instead of trying to get tiny clients paying $100/month for a service they’ll ideally forget about?

They say that how you are in one area of your life is how you are in all the others. Discipline and willpower aren’t muscles, they’re tanks full of fuel that become more full the more you use them until they spill over into other areas of your life.

Then why can’t the rest of my life be like my fitness life? I’m fit. I eat healthy. I sweat hard in the gym all to get a certain result that’s better than 99% of the people I see on the street.

But even now that I think about it, even there I’m really just doing the minimum needed to scrape by.

I don’t know.. It’s so tempting to get those fucking cats. Buy those clothes. Rent an office and hire salespeople. Hire a sales manager even. Be a normal person who doesn’t change countries every three to six months. I think I need to watch The Secret.

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