Last night was the last night in Cali before heading off another journey. Last night with the parental units as well, so we decided to go out for dinner instead of eating in.
We went to one of those sports bars with 100 TVs, lots of different beers and unhealthy food.
We had a massive plate of nachos. Then I washed it down with a 1/2 lb burger covered in bacon and bleu cheese.
By the time I finished the burger, I was absolutely stuffed. I’m talking so full that my stomach was hurting.
But these days, because I’m drinking the Snake Diet Kool Aid, I binge like crazy when I finally do eat because I spend 24-48 hours fasting every day. And I’m not exactly a big fatso either.
So when I finished my little meal yesterday, I still wanted more. Not because I wanted to put nutrients in my body, but because I wanted the momentary pleasure of more delicious food hitting my tongue before chewing and swallowing.
Fortunately, there was a frozen yogurt place right next door.
We went over and I made myself a disgustingly decadent sundae. Cookies and cream + chocolate yogurt, topped with Reese’s peanut butter cups, chocolate chips and M&Ms.
I wasn’t even hungry. In fact, I was so full that it felt like my stomach would explode if I ate another bite.
But you better believe I ate that motherfucking yogurt like it was my job.
I didn’t even really enjoy it. I thought it was gross.
But I ate it.
And I felt like shit afterwards.
I knew it would happen, too. I wasn’t deluding myself into believing that I “deserved” to eat a fucking sundae because I’m a special snowflake.
I knew it would bring me nothing but shitty feelings and guilt.
And thank God it did. Because if it didn’t I’d be a 400 lb nightmare.
Wanna know the best part? I ate it on purpose. I even told myself that I would eat the sundae just so I could feel shitty about myself and use it as motivation to do my next 48 hour fast.
24 hours in, I feel pretty good.