Microdosing Day 1: The Unstuckening

I ordered 100 microdosed tabs of LSD and am going to be taking one or half of one every day until they’re gone. I know the studies say to only take one every three days to account for tolerance, but I’m going to do it my own way.

Why am I doing this? I dunno. Too much money and nothing more interesting to spend it on. Actually that’s not true. I’m blowing through my savings faster than is probably a good idea, but I feel like it’s time to get some shit done already. I’ve been living in New York for three months (with a month in Tel Aviv) and am already feeling stuck.

When I lived in LA a few years ago, I was in a similar situation. This was a typical day for me:

Wake up
Drive for Uber
Go do yoga
Eat
Drive for Uber some more
Eat again
Get high
Play Dota
Sleep

Pretty shitty life if you ask me. Yeah I know there are starving Africans and shit who would kill for a “shitty” life like that, but that ain’t me. I have higher expectations for myself. I played too many RPGs when I was a kid and fantasized about being the Chosen One. And last time I checked, Luke Skywalker didn’t sit around getting high and playing Dota.

And now with my 35th birthday less than two weeks away, I find myself in a creepily similar situation as before. I wake up, work on my computer, hit the gym, get high and play Dota. The fucked up thing is that I don’t even really enjoy playing Dota. I mean it’s fun and everything, but I really just play it as a way to pass the time.

I’ll look at the clock and see that it’s 5 PM and be like, “Well, if I play a few games of Dota then all of a sudden it’ll be 8:00 and I’ll be closer to that time when I can go to bed.” How fucking depressing is that?

It didn’t used to be like this. A few weeks ago I had a social life. I was in Tel Aviv, going to rooftop parties and hanging out with celebrities. I had cool friends who always knew where to go and what to do. I was tan, shredded and a little bit of that old 2011 Tel Aviv swagger came back into my life.

But in the two weeks since coming back to NYC, I’ve barely left my apartment. For one thing it’s cold as fuck, and for another thing… well I guess that’s the only reason. Fuck this cold weather shit. Why do people even choose to live in places where there’s no beach? New Yorkers are the biggest posers in the world.

Anyway… shit is fucked up. I literally leave my apartment twice a day: once to go to the gym and the second time is to go to Whole Foods. Those are the two highlights of my day now. I hate writing this shit but it’s true. It’s at least motivating to get it all out there into the open, because now I have some leverage on myself to actually do something about it.

And I will. Right after I finish writing this article. I’m moving to Vegas.

Why would a socially autistic poser like myself want to go to Vegas? What would I want with a glitzy, plastic city where people come to indulge their reptilian brain, get trashed and act like idiots?

Because I need to fix this shit that’s wrong with me once and for all. I want to be one of those idiots or at least be able to fake it long enough to convince an Instagram model to spend the night with me. It’s not even about the sex, really, it’s about the ability to do it. It’s about being “that guy,” doing those things that nobody else can do. Pretty massive egotistical fantasy for sure, but it is what it is.

And ever since bingeing on RSD videos in Tel Aviv, I haven’t been able to get this shit out of my head. These guys are fucking rockstars, and every time I watch one of their videos I think to myself, “that could be me up there telling that story.”

I’m not saying I want to be an instructor. I’m a 35 year old grandpa who is just starting his journey while these guys have all been in the game for 10+ years. But I really just want to get this shit handled where I get to the point where the scales tip in favor of action instead of hesitation. Because one area of your life affects all the others, especially when it comes to discipline.

In Tel Aviv I was eating healthy, working out and walking everywhere. Since coming back to New York I’ve been getting high all day every day, drinking soda and eating cookies. It’s fucked up.

But this time I’m nipping that shit in the bud and getting the fuck out of here. When this happened in LA I languished for over a year, unable to make a decision on whether or not I should bounce in search of something better. I kind of feel that happening now, as I’ve been too scared to book my ticket to Vegas despite having made the decision nearly a week ago.

It’s like my mind is constantly searching for a way to avoid going through this emotionally traumatic growth process.

“Vegas? You know it gets cold there in the winter time too, right? It’s going to be in the 50s during the day.”
“Vegas dies down during the holiday season. People go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. You won’t get the same experience. Just wait until March when it gets warm again.”
“Aren’t you running out of money? Don’t you think it would make more sense to go back to Thailand until you build up your savings again, and THEN go to Vegas?”
“Why don’t you just go back to Israel? You met a nice girl there, didn’t you? Fuck all this game shit. Just go be with her.”

And on and on and on, until I take that first hit of the day and drive a stake into the heart of changing anything about my life with the words: “Meh, I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Well guess what fuckers, today is tomorrow. And there is no tomorrow. And as soon as I finish writing this article, I’m going to buy the ticket. Every time I write that I get a little less scared of what’s going to happen. Also it may have helped that my first microdose is starting to kick in and I’m feeling a little more confident about life in general. This shit is pretty cool actually.

Oh wait, did I not even mention why I’m going to Vegas?

So back in the early 2000s there was a book that came out called The Game. Written by Neil Strauss, a NYT journalist (now best-selling author), he told the story of how he penetrated the secret world of “pick up artists” and became recognized as one of the best in the world.

The book was super popular for one reason: it laid out a simple strategy for getting girls to sleep with you.

It told you how to act, how to dress, how to talk, what jokes to make.. All kinds of shit. For its time this shit was revolutionary as there was no mainstream advice for men on how to spit game to girls. You either had it or you didn’t. There was no resource out there for us to learn shit shit until this book came out and that secret world was exposed.

When I was 3 pages into reading it I remember thinking to myself, “holy shit, this actually tells you how to do it?” I read the entire thing in one sitting and went out that night to practice approaching.

I didn’t really get anywhere in those first few days, but was around lots of women at the time anyway so I would practice on the ones in my social circle. Slowly my game improved, started sleeping with more girls and eventually found myself stuck in relationship after relationship.

Anyway, the point is that now there is an entire subculture of people who practice this shit, and I’m going to go train with the best of them. Is it stupid? A waste of money? Should I just focus on making money and buying useless shit? Maybe I should just go back to Israel and marry that girl and start having kids?

Fuck that shit. No offense if you’ve somehow stumbled upon this. But I can’t live like this, knowing that the fucking door is open and the path is right there to conquering my fears and just not take it.

Yeah. So that’s my little shpiel. But what does this have to do with microdosing LSD every day?

Nothing I guess. I just felt like sharing.

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