Mmmm Yeah Baby, Put It In My Reward Pool

Listen up circle-jerkers because I have some bad news for you: most of you are whiny little bitches who will never do anything with your lives.

I say that for two reasons. One, it’s a good opening line that probably caused you to click on this article.

Two, I’ve been seeing a lot of this @haejin vs @berniesanders slapfight going on with various people taking sides. Some people think it’s not fair that homeboy upvotes all his own posts and makes bank, while other people… well, I guess nobody disagrees with that. Except me.

First of all, let’s get one thing straight: if ANY of you were in @haejin‘s place, you’d be doing the exact same thing. Shit, if I had another account that somehow had two million SP, you better believe every single one of you motherfuckers would be seeing pictures of my breakfast. And don’t delude yourself, you’d do the same thing. We all would.

So why the hate for @haejin? It’s simple. You’re all just a bunch of jealous no-talent broke ass haters. Sorry not sorry.

Think about it like this: Steemit is a purely capitalistic system. The people who have money have the ability to purchase upvotes and get more visibility for their content. I’ve beat this horse to death so many times I don’t even have the energy to rant about it any more.

Dey took errrr jahbbbssss!

Oddly enough, most of you seem to confuse my disdain for the low-quality content on the Trending page with a complaint for how the Steemit system works.

Let me make this clear: I’m not complaining about the system. I think the system is fine. Capitalism is good. It’s the content that’s garbage. And whose fault is that? @Haejin‘s? No. It’s YOUR fault.

Yeah, you heard me, random internet people. It’s YOUR fault there’s no good content on the Trending page. We are not here to fucking entertain you, you lazy pieces of shit. Why don’t YOU make something interesting to entertain US? What’s your fucking problem anyway? Are you lazy? Stupid? No artistic ability whatsoever? Scared to put something out there? Too busy circle-jerking each other for $0.01 upvotes?

Ask yourself this: what exactly is your contribution to society? And don’t give me that, “I’m a loving mother and wife, my banana nut muffins are the best ever…” Bitch, fuck your muffins.

Or, maybe not. Maybe your muffins ARE out of this world. Maybe YOUR muffins, YOU the person reading this RIGHT NOW, YOUR muffins are so fucking awesome that if anyone had even just a little taste of all the love you put into every batch, they’d give you genuine praise. They’d say things like:

“Wow, those are the best muffins I’ve ever had!”
“I’ve had a lot of muffins at this bakery, but most of them are shit. YOUR muffins are different though. Please bake more!”
“OMG – I can’t believe I ate the WHOLE BOX. Truly amazing muffins. I really liked the part where you put bananas and nuts in there.”

Those of you who consider yourselves “authors” or “content creators,” here’s what I want you to do: go to your feed and read some of your posts. Be honest with yourself. What do you think? Did those posts get your dick hard at all? Or is it just more of the same 300 word article spinner-esque trash that not even a homeless person would read in exchange for a hot meal?

They put mirrors in the gym because mirrors don’t lie

I go back and read some the old stuff I’ve written and think to myself, “Jesus Christ these are some fucking good ass muffins.” When I read them, I secretly wish that other people would read them more than once and praise me for my writing skills. I want my posts to be taught in schools. I want new users on this platform to be told, “Oh yeah, Steemit is cool. Make sure you go and read everything by @yallapapi though. Before you do anything.”

Is this from some sort of delusional, egotistical, irrational love for myself? No. I still think I’m a big fat loser. But I put massive amounts of effort into writing because I have always believed that it’s SO good, that someday I would be “discovered” as a muffin expert. I tell you guys things about myself that I would probably never discuss face-to-face with another person. Not because I give a shit about you, but because pulling off the mask to reveal the ugly parts of your humanity makes for the most entertaining writing.

Far better than, “7 Night Markets You Have To Try In Vietnam!” Fucking kill me please.

Those of you who are talking about how @haejin or whoever else is “abusing” their SP to vote themselves into a higher tax bracket are just mad at YOURSELVES because you don’t have the balls to admit that your content is boring, unimaginative drivel that not even your mom would want to read. Possibly even MORE painful is the fact that this is plainly obvious by your reluctance or inability to “put your money where your mouth is” and drop a couple bucks into the STEEM blockchain to promote yourself.

You don’t want to face the fact that you know your content is bad, that you’re too lazy to make it shine, lack the balls to promote it, and/or are too poor to upvote it into visibility on a regular basis.

Ooof owie ouch my reward pool

Do I give a shit about how @haejin uses his SP? Not really. Know why? Because I’m confident enough in the work I produce to drop a few hundred bucks on it so you’ll have something interesting to read instead of doing actual work. His “abuse” of the reward pool hasn’t affected me at all.

So please, my dear circle-jerkers, tell me: why should I care that homeboy is getting rich? As far as I’m concerned, his TA posts are just as bad as whatever any of you are writing. I’m not going to read either of them anyway. In fact, the only person on here that’s wowed me is that guy who runs the #dolphinschool. I don’t remember his name, but that guy is legit.

Why should anyone with the means to “invest in the STEEM blockchain” give a shit that your posts aren’t getting seen and ours are? In the interest of fairness? This is capitalism, baby. In fact, the blockchain is all about capitalism. No regulation, no artificial controls in place to hold back the free market. Gotta take the good with the bad.

And ultimately, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. Instead of complaining like a little bitch, you need to learn to use the system to your advantage. It’s like how I always tell girls to use their looks to get ahead. You have a pretty face and a firm ass? Let’s see that shit. I’ll gladly hook you up with one of my $0.04 upvotes.

Or maybe I won’t. But at least I’ll know who you are. Then, once you’re getting some eyes on your “content,” you can spread the word about how there are only 68 white rhinos left in Africa or whatever stupid shit you care about.

It may sound harsh, but what’s the alternative? Write an engaging 2600 word blog post that takes the reader for the ride of their life? Blow their mind with some straight talk and prudent life advice? Spill your guts on the page and make the circle-jerkers love you and hate you at the same time? Who do you think you are, @yallapapi or something?

Nah. You’re just a nobody. Just a whiny little scavenger who thinks the world owes them something because you have a pulse.

How to actually make money on Steemit, or anywhere for that matter

Now… what’s the silver lining here? I’m tempted to tell you that there isn’t one. No matter how you look at it, you have to do the work. You need to use your brain and figure out how to work the system to your advantage. If one path is blocked, find another. If there is no path, create one.

For example, let’s say that one day @haejin decides he wants to think long term. He changes his content strategy and starts posting half-decent articles in order to create a positive reputation for his brand. Let’s say that he realizes that he can make even MORE money with LESS work by producing 1 quality article per day and selling ads to blockchain startups to advertise on his blog. He uses affiliate links in his posts, shills his brand new ebook, How I Became A Steemit Millionaire, and asks people to sign up for his newsletter. You know, like a real business.

This would allow him to step away from the computer and start making meaningful connections in the cryptocurrency industry. He could promote himself as “the #1 cryptocurrency influencer on Steemit.” He can get his posts to the top of the Trending page at no extra cost to the client. His articles are SO good, that his readers voluntarily post links to them on Reddit and Hacker News, where he gets additional exposure from blockchain entrepreneurs and cryptocurrency investors.

Over time, the @haejin brand becomes well-known for technical analysis, ICO speculation and general cryptocurrency news. He uses the existing community on Steemit to fill up his email list with people who actually care about what he has to say. Not because they’re trying to circle-jerk him into upvoting their posts, but because they respect his opinion and experience. He’s no longer just making passive income from his ebook, but now has a $5k/month mentorship program for up and coming crypto influencers.

In fact, the @haejin brand is now SO influential that he is getting offers from legitimate ICOs with big boy money to handle their fundraising. He never would have been able to do this had he not stepped away from his charts and hired that marketing firm to promote his new consulting business. Now earning a $40k/month retainer per client, he spends most of his time flying to Asia (business class, of course) to pitch hungry Asian investors on the hottest new ICOs coming from The West.

From there, the sky’s the limit. He could hire some developers and create an eBay-like marketplace built on the STEEM blockchain. He could use his connections to put together an accelerator program like YCombinator for blockchain startups. He could start appearing on legitimate media channels like Fox News, NASDAQ, and CNBC as one of the leading analysts in the blossoming world of digital currency.

Or, he could keep thinking small. Keep pumping out TA articles for $100/each and jerking off into a tissue. Hiding his identity. Ignoring the harsh criticism from the haters, those peasants who are just jealous of his success. Never showing his face in public. Keeping his personal details private for fear of being doxxed by opportunistic hackers. Knowing that he’ll receive no pity from anyone should his Golden Goose one day stop laying those $100 eggs.

Go beyond the Prisoner’s Dilemma

What you don’t realize, my dear circle-jerkers, is that ANY of you are capable of the exact same thing. Much like we are all born with different advantages in terms of height, intelligence and social class, we all start on this platform at different points. Homeboy was lucky enough to be born into the Saudi Royal Family. You? You’re not even a Nigerian prince.

And there you are, pecking away at your keyboard hoping to score $0.20 with your sycophantic ass-kissing comments, your virtue-signaling, pandering articles that are so transparent I could wrap my spring rolls in them. Your boring, lifeless, unironically sad stories that show the world that any shred of originality you once had was erased long ago by Netflix binges, cable television and the low expectations set for you by the same people who won’t let kids play dodge ball in school anymore.

Where’s your animal instinct, your bloodlust? Do you even have any?

If you’re reading this, then you probably don’t. Because if you did, you wouldn’t have time to read this shit. You’d be working on whatever it was that’s going to get you out of your shitty situation. Writing these is now a luxury for me because I’m comfortable enough to spare a few hours making sure they’re perfect. Maybe someday it’ll be worth it for me to do this full-time, but for now I just do it for the ego boost.

I doubt you can say the same. You’re here for the money.

And look, I know you’re doing the best you can. Really. I know you’re just doing what you think will work. That’s why I’m so hard on you. Because you’re fucking wrong, you dense motherfuckers. You can’t write mediocre trash and expect anyone to care. Step your game up and at least TRY to make something memorable. Use your brain, start taking some PRIDE in your content and you will improve faster than you think.

Why you shouldn’t take advice from LeBron James

Despite everything I just wrote, you don’t NEED to write a masterpiece in order to make money on here. All you have to do is pick a niche you like, write a bunch of articles about it and throw in some affiliate links. Go on MailChimp and start a newsletter. Sign up for Amazon’s affiliate program. Write an ebook about your niche and sell it for $5. Post links to your articles on Reddit, Facebook, whatever.

Send emails to businesses in your niche and promote yourself as an influencer. Show them your articles. Even if they’re trash. Just do it anyway, because most freelancers/companies don’t have a regularly updated blog with views and comments. But on this platform, that’s par for the course.

And your content will get better. I didn’t write like this from day one. But now, even when I send an email to a client I’m like, “Yeah, this is gonna fuckin blow them away,” because they’re just that good.

Seriously, what’s stopping you from selling something? Aside from the people who manage the upvote bots, I’ve never seen anyone sell anything on here. How the fuck do you think business gets done? How did you get the computer you’re reading this on? How did you get the house you’re living in? How did you get your groceries?

You bought them from somewhere, so why shouldn’t people buy from you? These are timeless strategies that will actually put some money in your pocket. Do you know how fucking hard it is to make money as a writer? Do you have any idea how many writers are out there who are 100x better than you’ll ever be who make absolutely 0 money? Do you know how many books get published on Amazon every year that nobody reads?

Are the NYT Bestsellers the best books in the world? No. Do they have the strongest MARKETING team behind them? Yes.

You don’t know what a gift it is to be able to use a platform where you are virtually guaranteed exposure and engagement for your content. Not only that, but people are incentivized to comment, upvote and share your work. Why don’t you take advantage of that? Shit, my last post is sitting at 3200 views right now. If I was smart, I would have typed up some bullshit PDF and sold it for $10 at the end of the post and let you pay in STEEM. I know some of you motherfuckers would have bought that shit.

What’s stopping you from doing the same thing? Nothing but your own laziness. Fuck.

Come on people, time to step your fucking game up.

Other than the reward pool, what are some other ways to make money from Steemit?

Let me know in a comment!

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