What I learned from the first night of cold approach pickup in years

Sup peeps. Recently got back into pickup after several years of long term girlfriends followed by a few dark ones of being bitter about the sexual dynamic (think typical Red Pill bitterness). Not proud about wasting those years being angry, but they say that everything happens for a reason.

I just moved to NYC, and one of my new friends started talking about RSD and pickup. Long story short he got me out of my bitter funk and made me realize that learning pickup would actually be really fucking cool. I had read The Game back in the day and done maybe 1-2 months of cold approaching. Had a bit of success but never got obsessed with it. Just learned enough to help my social circle game and threw in some approaches here and there.

I guess I could be considered “advanced” because I’m pretty good with girls (used to work in retail for 7 years selling beauty products) and have had sex with quite a few. I just didn’t approach for the longest time unless the situation made it easy. But I watched a bunch of free tour videos from Tyler and Julien, and with every video I watched I started to feel worse and worse.

When you start to learn about pickup, you realize that there’s no excuse for not trying. This shit is possible (and oftentimes actually way easier than you think) and if you don’t approach, you feel like absolute shit. In a given day I would walk by literally dozens of hot girls and emotionally flog myself for not saying anything to them. To make matters worse, I’m pretty good looking by traditional standards and in great shape so I would get a lot of positive body language. Yet still do nothing, just because I was afraid of approaching.

The past few weeks I’ve been traveling in Tel Aviv where I used to live. The women here are absolutely beautiful, so it’s been extra painful. I’ve done some approaching but it was weak AF. “How are you? Where are you from?” Low energy bullshit with no confidence. Yeah, it was good that I did something. But I could tell I wasn’t really going for it.

So last night, the friend I came here with from NYC and I had just come back from a trip to Jerusalem. It was 11:30 at night and I was ready to go to bed. The drive back took about an hour and I put on some Julien free tour videos. As he dropped me off at my hostel, he said, “do you want to go out a little bit tonight?”

I didn’t want to. I wanted to go home and get in bed and watch more free tour videos like a little bitch. But I knew if I did that, my friend would know I was just a scared little pussy who was too afraid to take action. I mean, he knows that anyway because I’ve talked about it before. So I was like, “yeah sure, let’s do it.”

I didn’t want to go. I was secretly hoping he would forget, or fall asleep, or cancel for some reason. But ten minutes later, he called me and told me to meet him where he was staying. I headed over to his hostel and tried to play it cool as I waited to die.

We left a few minutes later and started walking down the street. He told me that another friend of his from NYC, Amir, was in town and that he wanted to meet up with us to go out. Amir is a natural and doesn’t like me, I think because the first time we met he was on a group Tinder date and his girl started flirting with me. I only found out later that they were on a date, but I think he felt threatened. And this guy is a straight up natural alpha with a real estate business and fancy NYC apartment who is used to being the coolest guy in the room everywhere he goes. So I always feel like there’s tension when we see each other.

Anyway, I was like OH FUCK this motherfucker is here now. So not only do I have to go out and try to talk to girls, but now I have this guy who doesn’t like me there watching me make an idiot out of myself. I felt like the stakes were higher and was getting even more nervous. To make matters worse, he was with a friend of his who was like 6’4″ and built like a truck. I guess it was a good thing to be with them because these guys are straight up naturals and the four of us together look like a group of cool, good looking guys.

I was just worried that I’d bitch out in front of them. But I knew that wasn’t an option, so I had to face my fear and just start fucking approaching. Even as I write this now, I can tell I was making a big deal out of nothing. But when you first start approaching that shit is nerve wracking because you imagine all these terrible ways it can go and that you’ll be publicly ostricized and shit.

So we get to the club and I weakly open these two girls sitting on a bench. “I like your hat.” She goes, “Thanks.” Dead silence.

But meanwhile my friends are all standing like 5 feet away looking at their phones like losers and I’m at least trying, so I felt pretty good about that. The convo went nowhere and I ejected after a few weak attempts to talk. But at least I had gotten my first one out of the way.

After about ten minutes we got into the club (was like a very big rooftop bar) and I legit felt like I was walking to my execution. I remembered something Julien said from a few of his videos that was like ,”everyone can go out. Just commit to 30 minutes a day.” That sounded pretty good to me. All I had to do was approach girls for 30 minutes and I could feel like the night was a success. That was the goal that I set for myself.

We finally get to the rooftop and Amir and his mack truck friend wander off, probably to the bar to get a drink. My other friend sees someone he knows (he used to be a promoter so he knows everyone) so I’m stuck there by myself in the middle of chaos. I see two hotties standing by themselves off to the side and I was just like “fuck it” and walked over.

Not to get too dramatic, but I had this moment where I felt like someone else was moving my legs in their direction. Like it wasn’t even me doing it, I was just being manipulated by some puppet master. I walked straight up to them and was like,

“Excuse me. I don’t mean to interrupt your conversation, but I’m a very shy person and told myself I would come out tonight and talk to people.”

I said it 100% serious, but as soon as I said “shy person” they rolled their eyes like “yeah right” and started asking me questions. They were super into it right away and I remember thinking, “huh, that was easy.” I actually got this opener from a super old post by Tyler that I remembered where he said he would just walk up to girls and say he was shy. I think it was Tyler, could be wrong.

Anyway, it was on like Donkey Kong with one of the girls and we just bullshitted for a few minutes before my friend came over and winged me. He’s got decent game and took the other girl. My girl was super drunk or on xanax or something because she was acting weird as fuck and all wobbly. I still felt a little stifled but made small talk with her for a few minutes. She pulled out her phone at one point and started flipping through her texts. Initially she was touching me a lot but I think she got bored because I didn’t get more physical with her quickly. Could be wrong but that’s just what I think.

Eventually she literally just walked off without saying anything in the middle of our conversation and I rejoined my wing and his girl. I told her, “I think I scared your friend off.” She didn’t seem to care and was actually super cool about it. I would have expected her to be like “ok let me go find her” or something if she wanted to leave, but she stuck around and kept talking to us. I probably should have put 2 and 2 together at the time and realized that she was interested because Israeli girls in general are not known for being polite.

While her friend was gone, I opened another girl in a 3 set with a light squeeze on the arm. She was wearing these checkered pants that looked like a Louis Vuitton bag, so I asked her if she bought them because of that. She said yes. She said, “it’s blah blah brand” (don’t remember what she said), and held out the end of an oversized belt to show me. I grabbed the belt and took a look, didn’t recognize the brand and told her so, then flipped the belt back towards her. Tried to make awkward conversation after that but I think she sensed the try-hard vibe and turned her back on me to go back to her friends.

After that I turned back to my wing and the other girl from the initial 2 set. We talked a little bit more, she asked me some questions about me, where I’m from, do I speak Hebrew, etc etc. Eventually her drunk friend came back and my friend engaged her, so I called the other girl over to talk to me and we made more small talk. It went well for about five minutes but then the conversation started to die off. I was literally more curious than anything why she didn’t just wander off with her friend and excuse herself as she seemed super uncomfortable and nervous. I was just like, “she seems nervous, why is she still here?” Then my friend nudged me with a look that said, “get the contact info.”

I mumbled some weak shit like, “let’s go to the beach some time” and she whipped out her phone. We exchanged IG and I got her WhatsApp. I do social media management and have a decent sized IG account (60k followers) so I feel like that helps me as like a social proof kind of thing, so I like exchanging IG with girls as a way of keeping in touch. She put her number in my phone and double checked it to make sure it was right. She gave my friend an awkward hug, then smiled big and gave me one.

I realize I sound like an autistic shutin who is overanalyzing things but fuck it. It was a damn good experience especially since I felt so afraid of approaching for so long. After that I was riding high and remember thinking, “this is what I was afraid of for so long? Stupid.”

After that I walked with my wing through the bar. He goes, “that was good. they opened you?”

“Nope, I opened them.”

He goes, “wow, good job.”

I started telling him about my opener but was too distracted to explain it properly so I decided to just show him. Tried to stop two girls as they were walking by with the same thing, but the words came out all garbled and the girl I stopped pulled her friend away. Oh well.

Two more girls walked by and I straight up put my hand out and was like “whoa whoa whoa, excuse me. hold on. stop right there. Who are you, what’s your name.” the girl I stopped was all about it right away and it was on. I got excited and started getting too “gamey” and they ended up walking away after like a minute. Lesson learned: open strong, but slow it down and just be normal.

As we kept walking, one girl said “bye” to a friend of hers in the distance. So I said “bye” to her as we walked by. Then she said in a too-cool-for-school voice, “bye.” So I snorted and was like, “see ya. Wouldn’t wanna be ya.” Her friend laughed and so did my wing. I felt like I was on fire.

Walked a few more steps and I saw a girl with super super curly hair (lots of Israeli girls have this) that I absolutely love. Wearing a little tube top and tight pants, nice little body. My wing said something about how we needed to find his friends or something but I just went up and approached.

“Hey, excuse me, sorry to interrupt your conversation but I just wanted to come over and give you a compliment. I love your hair. That’s my favorite type of hair.”

She was loving it. Her friend just kind of stood there with a nervous smile on her face while we talked. A minute or so goes by and she was very receptive, touching me and leaning in and whispering in my ear and shit. I turn to her nervous friend and say in a normal voice, “i like your friend. does she have a boyfriend?”

Curly hair girl pipes up and says, “Well ACTUALLY…”

I was like oh god here we go…

“.. I just started seeing someone and he’s standing right behind you.”

I’m like oh fuck, turn around and see some guy there looking at me. I go, “this guy?”

She’s like no no no, he’s over there. So I said, “what about this guy? He’s very handsome. Maybe if it doesn’t work out you can, you know…”

The guy was like haha thanks man, gave me five.

I turned back to the girl and was like “ok well look, I’m not trying to piss off anyone’s boyfriend, plenty of people here. He has great taste in girls and great taste in hair, and look if it doesn’t work out, i’m available.” or something like that. They laughed and I walked away. In retrospect I should have at least gotten the insta.

After that I met up with my wing who was talking to two girls in their late 30s. One was decent looking and took good care of herself, the other one was kind of meh. I introduced myself to the hotter one and she asked me for some gum. I made her give me 3 reasons why I should give it to her and she goes, “because I want it, because I need it, and because I crave it.” Was pretty funny so I gave her a piece.

We chatted for 5-10 minutes about random shit, she seemed down. Eventually Amir walked over and tried to take over the set. He didn’t know these girls but I gave him a good intro, talked him up a bit. Not gonna lie, I felt a kind of superiority that this big time natural real estate guy was too scared to approach on his own so he felt like he had to come over and dominate a set of 40 year olds. Ironic since only a few hours before I was also too scared to commit to approaching. But whatever. I talked him up, “Amir is the best guy ever, blah blah blah.” to the hotter one who he seemed to be macking. It looked like he was trying to “steal” her but I was more amused than anything. I guess this is what they call “abundance mentality.”

I let them talk and chatted up the less attractive one. Talked about some work stuff for a while, exchanged contact info since she is getting a new job soon and might need a social media manager (that’s the kind of work I do). Had some decent laughs towards the end and it might turn into a business deal. Maybe, maybe not. But they still saw me exchange the contact info. Yes I’m a validation whore and I’m ok with that.

Excused myself from the less hot girl and walked towards the bathroom. Opened a decent looking chick also with curly hair with the same “i love curly hair” opener. She had this glazed look in her eye as we talked and I got this feeling like I could have gone for the kiss. I didn’t though, just kept talking. Should have tried. Talked for a bit and she seemed down, but just ended up getting the insta.

By the the club had cleared out and my friends all wanted to leave. We headed out with the two older chicks. My 30 minute commitment had turned into almost two hours of game that felt like it flew by. I said bye to my friends (wanted to get up early and work and hit the gym) and walked home feeling like the shit.

As I walked home I saw a lot more hot girls that I should have tried approaching but didn’t. Can’t excuse that, should have just tried. Next time.

Takeaways:

  • Approaching girls is literally not that big of a deal at all
  • If you’re going to read about pickup, you must approach. All of this shit is useless if you don’t approach. Approaching is what gets you 95% of the benefit of pickup. Fucking hot girls is just a bonus. Approaching is what opens up the opportunity for growth. Without that, go find another hobby. Just fucking do it.
  • If the interaction goes poorly, it’s literally just going to be 10 seconds of your life. 10 seconds of discomfort for getting blown out. 1 minute of your life in discomfort for a set that is awkward, 3 minutes tops.
  • Just be normal – a lot of stuff that Tyler/Julien teach is advanced and they make it work because they see the nuances of pickup that we can’t. Just try and be normal and have a normal conversation like a normal person
  • Go to the gym – Not gonna lie, I feel like a lot of my success comes from the way I look. I’m sitting at probably 8-9% bodyfat with a good frame. Very lean and I wear shirts that show off my body. I whiten my teeth. Yes, game is more important than looks and no, looks don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. But looking good is like having training wheels, it makes this shit easier to learn because you can take the interaction further. It’s like playing on easy mode
  • Validation seeking is okay – I wouldn’t have gone out and tried as hard as I did if I didn’t want to look good in front of my friends. There was another guy there who was a shark and would have ripped me apart if I just sat in the corner like a little bitch. And by being a guy that actively approaches, you instantly elevate yourself into the ultimate category of men – one who has the balls to do cold approach. Everyone knows it and nobody talks about it, but we all know it.
  • Approaching is just level one – there’s still a ton to learn after that. We think that if we could just approach, we could execute all the shit we know we need to do. Nope. But approaching is the first step.
  • If she gives you the look, go fo the makeout
  • If she has a bf but seems down, get the Insta

Anyway… sorry for the long post, but I feel so much better after last night it’s unreal. It’s like a new world has opened up to me and I can see things differently. I can approach now. I can finally do it. And all it took was a few hours of just trying to make it happen.

Maybe I’ll keep doing these blogs/FRs too as I feel it helps me consolidate the stuff I’m learning.

Good luck yall

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